I hate you because we treat each other like dirt.
It's nights like these where I wish I'd never left that stupid town. If I hadn't, we'd be closer. At the same time, if I had stayed, we probably wouldn't speak at all now.
I feel like walking along the motorway and seeing how far I get. The only thing holding me back is that I can't decide whether to walk north or south.
Knowing you, you got my words and you may even be reading this. You probably won't reply. Whatever, we never speak as it is. I wish we did still speak though. I have my angry moments because I'm weird, and you have your psychotic moments because you're also weird, but you're my best friend. You're the only person I'm not cold and collected around when we're like that around one another.
And yeah, it secretly entertains me when you try to put your fingers up my nose. Douche.
|let's go to hollywood, baby |
Well it's been a jam packed fourteen weeks.
When you look at the timeframe, it seems small. However, in that time I have managed to:
I've managed to move house, find a new job, bury my great grandmother, see Alex again, have my nineteenth birthday and write a film.
We start shooting my film the week after next. To my knowledge we don't even have locations locked down and I'm also not entirely sure about actors. Scary, scary stuff.
I've been kicking army billboards, playing with sidewalk chalk and blowing bubbles. I saw Alex three or four weeks ago now and you wouldn't believe me if I even tried to explain how it made me feel. It was almost like completion... yet at the same time it felt like my heart was diving into my stomach and my stomach was burning it slightly with its acidy... stuff.
I've done things I regret; I've done things I'd love to do again as soon as humanly possible. I've done things that have made me cry, that have made me scream, and most definitely things that have made me laugh.
I now work in the call centre of a bank. It's fun - call me and let me solve your banking problems, blahblahblah I really want to kill myself there half the time.
Everyone who I used to write to - I'm so sorry that I've been lazy/busy. Give me a heads up on your address [while moving I lost a whole bunch of letters and envelopes, including the one and only letter Alex wrote me from basic] and I'll write something fantastic and filled with sparkles and I'll send it off to you.
I still have dreams of winning lotto and buying a massive house, but that's one of my only dreams these days. I have the dream to never have a child - although that could be due to the fact that I spent a couple of days looking after a seven month old a few weeks ago.
Facebook's where I am most of the time, although I am trying to become more active here again. Search my email [and flick me a line or two at the same time] firstname.lastname@example.org and I'll make sure to add you.
|4 superstars or let's go to hollywood, baby |
so my laptop charger is dead and I'm waiting for the people at the shop to call me and tell me wtf is up with it.
I'm also in the middle of hunting for a new house.
therefore, hiatus for a while. hopefully not longer than a few days.
|7 superstars or let's go to hollywood, baby |
For rehearsal today, we went to the park.
Yael and Sam basically owned the big climbing structure which isn't quite a jungle gym.
Much fun was had, including parrots flying past, bark being thrown everywhere and attacking pigeons.
Sam almost got me involved in a full fledged water fight: him vs me. He said he'd win because he was patient. I laughed and said that that wasn't a trait associated with actors sometimes. He then told us great stories about going to a park while on acid over new years and almost falling off everything he climbed and laughing and how great it was. He's a good kid.
It's weird, though.
He reminds me so much of Alex, even when he isn't acting.
|let's go to hollywood, baby |
It's like she took my script, trampled on it with soccer boots, and that was how she extracted all of the meaning. Well, the meaning came out in little tear drops that she then licked up off the ground to get all of the meaning I put in there.
However, she missed a few tear drops - but they're still clinging to the pieces of my script she hasn't ruined and hopefully they'll help the charred and destroyed bits fly away.
Kind of like butterflies.
|2 superstars or let's go to hollywood, baby |